Sleeping Bella
by Lilly for Algernon
Summary: Little princess, beautiful and good, well named Isabella.' With those words a curse is laid upon Princess Bella's head. When doomed to fall into a hundred year sleep, the worst thing she can do is fall in love.
1. Chapter 1

**AN**: Ok, so new story. I was writing this originally as a one shot, but it started getting long and tangly so I decided to make it a larger story. This is partially based on a novel Beauty Sleep by Cameron Dokey, but I wouldn't worry to much about that, it veers off in new and naughty (;)) ways.

--

_For I am finding out that love will kill and save me_

_Taking the dreams that made me up_

_And tearing them away_

_But the same love will take this heart that's barely beating_

_And fill it with hope beyond the stars_

_Only love_

The Beauty and Tragedy – Trading Yesterday

--

The story has been told many times by many people, and this is one of the only things that remains certain.

If my mother Renee had thought to invite the vampiress (her cousin) Victoria, none of what followed would have occurred.

Although I suppose even that is not particularly true, because with some one as powerful and prideful as Victoria hanging around in the peripheral of the kingdom, disaster is somewhat inevitable. It was my bad luck that I just happened to catch the worst of it.

No one can quite remember exactly how my mother was related to Victoria, although it has become common practice to refer to them as cousins, and whether they were second cousins or third cousins once removed, it is not really relevant to the telling of my story, except that Victoria felt she deserved an invitation to the social event of the season and my mother, evidently did not.

Which is completely justified because Victoria was, in all fairness, a vampire.

But more of that later.

My story does not begin with Victoria; it begins (I was once told that all the best stories do) with Once Upon A Time. This is a second point of which most people agree, because everybody knows that it begins with a wise king and a kind queen who possess everything in the world except for a child. One day they discover they have been blessed with the thing that will make their happiness complete and roughly nine months later the kingdom rejoices as the queen gives birth to the most beautiful baby girl the world has ever seen (snort). Aptly the king decides to name his prized child _Bella, _and everybody knows she will grow up kind and good and beautiful. The christening was planned and everybody who was anybody was invited. Everybody was excited to celebrate the beginning of a new era within their kingdom.

Almost everybody.

Of course another thing that everybody knows is that Victoria showed up to the christening uninvited, absolutely spiting mad and she exacted her revenge in a very original and very cruel way. No one is very sure of her exact words, but Carlisle swears that when Victoria leaned over my bassinet she whispered-

"Little princess, beautiful and good, well named Isabella. May you grow up as lovely as your kingdom expects of you, may you be intelligent and resourceful and generous, so that when you draw just a single drop of blood from your self, a single prick on your finger, and die, your family will feel the greatest possible loss."

Well as you can imagine, the uproar was enthusiastic.

But I'm getting ahead of myself

My name is Bella Swan, named for the grace and beauty I would not doubt possess. Ironic because I do not possess a remarkable amount of either. This is my story, and I am one of only a few who can tell it to you. You've heard the rumours, the whispers, the fairytales. This is the true story. The story of my worst years and my best, my hardest struggle and my deepest sleep, this is the story of how I discovered life, and love, and most importantly how I discovered that even though a story begins with Once Upon a Time, doesn't mean it ends with they all lived happily after.

--

It is important that you understand that magic was, in my home, very normal and quite every day. Not that anybody was callous with its usage; magic is _unpredictable to the extreme_ and impossible to control entirely. Almost everybody in Forks had some grasp of magic, it was in their blood, in the water they drank, in the air and in their food, and if it was left alone then that magic could stay relatively dormant and useful for not much else but boiling water. That's pretty much the golden rule with magic, if you ignored it and allowed it to work around you then magic would pretty much ignore you too. Not everyone took this good advice though.

To play the fool was actually much smarter then playing with the proverbial fire. An attempt to bloom roses out of season using magic was just as likely to flood the east side of the kingdom and there was one time when Carlisle, attempting to create a beautiful gown for Alice out of a bread loaf and some pigeon feathers, ended up making the bread taste like cloth for the rest of the week.

Headline: Magic is dangerous and only a few dared to test its limits, some of those people really were good and some, as you may have figured out already, were not.

By the laws of the kingdom Victoria should have had no right to her magic. Vampires are scary creatures, all white skin and blood sucking, impossibly strong and fast, strange, inexplicable powers; naturally the rest of us, or those who lived a few centuries before us anyway, clued in that allowing Vampires to meddle with the fabric of our universe was not such a hot idea. The royal library is the barer of the magic texts and no vampire is allowed inside. It was Carlisle who cast the first protection spells over the library, seventy or eighty years before Victoria was born, and they still stand today. Nobody is exactly sure how Victoria gained her magical ability, perhaps she retained it from before her turning or perhaps she simply reached inside of herself one day and plucked at the well of magic which resides in all of us, pulling and teasing it until it became something bigger and badder.

We won't ever really know. Much of who Victoria was, and why she did the things she did, still remain a mystery.

That aside the story continues, my christening. So where was I? Bella Swan. Princess of Forks. Yadayada. Victoria turns up, whispers a curse and all hell breaks loose.

Oh right.

This is one of the parts of the story that for me remains unclear. Although obviously I was present, I was in no condition to observe and recall. The others were there too, although like me too young to serve as proper witnesses, everybody except for Alice, who would sadly have not been present even if she had not been at the time gestating in her mothers' womb.

Only Carlisle remains to serve as a credible eyewitness, so I rely on his testimony to provide you with the events that immediately followed my christening. It is possible they have been embellished as Carlisle is inclined to do so occasionally, but don't you prefer an entertaining lie to what is probably a tragic truth.

It was my mother who broke through the uproar, my poor, infertile mother. She spoke only one word, her face ashen as she clutched my father.

"Why?"

I've never received a conclusive answer on what Victoria replied and it is my belief she simply did not. It has kept me up at night wondering about what she possibly could have said, how she could have justified her actions. I do not believe there was any such justification. Victoria was just evil, she simply could not stand to see happiness and light enter the world.

With a smile Victoria faced her terrified audience and grinned.

"I give her sixteen years." She announced and then with a 'poof' disappeared.

Once again hysteria broke out. My father threw himself at my bassinet, pulling me into his arms and checking for damage.

My mother chose a less direct, but more effective route. She chose to throw herself at Carlisle.

A small explanation is necessary at this point, of exactly who Carlisle is. Now I realise that convention dictates that it should have been a fairy godmother that lay the final boon upon my tiny, baby head, but although I did live in a magical kingdom I also lived in the real world and FYI fairies don't exist, not in this fairytale anyway. Carlisle has been alive for more years then anybody can count, eternally a handsome man in his mid twenties, he enjoys Keats and stealing spring flowers from the garden, he's never sprouted wings but he's helped me out more ways then I could begin to tell you. He also possesses the most comprehensive magical ability the realm has ever, or will ever, see. His magic is so strong that it is infused in every single part of him, his muscles, his blood, his heart and mind, it roars impressively through his body like a river current, ignoring pesky limitations like mortality. The magic preserves him and gives him an unhuman strength, making him undoubtedly the most powerful being, um, alive. The obvious similarities between Carlisle and the vampires motivates many people to distrust him, as many do things they don't understand, but Carlisle has never given me such insecurities of his character. In everyway that Victoria was bad, Carlisle is good, existing like contrasts through the story of my life. Perhaps it is that true compassion of people he has no real bond with that insures his absolute power.

Like I said before, magic is unpredictable.

Anyhow, on discovering a curse had been laid upon my life, my mother looked to Carlisle to reverse it.

"Do _something_." She pleaded with him, her eyes lost. "Please."

Carlisle looked towards my mother, then he looked at me, and then he bit his lip thoughtfully. Even he did not possess the power to perform the obvious deed and remove the spell that now hovered over me. Once a spell has been cast, its threads sewn in to a larger tapestry of what sustains our world, in cannot be removed with out dire consequence. No princess's life is worth the lives of thousands or millions, the utter collapse of life itself.

My mother began to sob quietly into the gathering of his robes she held in his hands and finally Carlisle spoke.

"I can not undo what has been irrevocably done, but I can do this. On the day Princess Isabella pricks herself and allows her blood to fall, she will not die, she will simply fall asleep."

My mother's sobs became more impressive, this time in relief. Carlisle was not done.

"Her sleep will last for a hundred years, until one day it will be broken by the kiss of her one true love, the bravest and strongest man in the land."

There were no magic words, no blast of green light and yet at that moment my life was changed forever and I had no clue. I watched on, untroubled by these events, blowing bubbles with my spit.


	2. Chapter 2

I know a time has gonna take it's toll

_We have to pay for the love we stole_

_It's a sin and we know it's wrong_

_Oh, our love keeps going on strong_

_Steal away to the dark end of the street_

_You and me_

Dark End of the Street - James Carr

--

That was it for me really, as far as any kind of fun was concerned. I dare you to try and have fun under the circumstances I was under, I do. Nothing sharp, nothing pointy, _nothing dangerous_ and most disappointing of all, no going outside. Period.

My mother attempted to engage me by introducing me to 'work safe' activities: painting, flower arranging, dramatic performances by visiting thespians, but for a young child this was all very dull. Quite ironically, considering my fate had been decided by two warring spells, I possessed no magic, which may have lightened up a few dull afternoons. This was not unusual; very few of the regal family possessed any significant magical gift, a fact in which the common people revelled. There was an association of magic and madness, which was probably not far off; Victoria being case and point and even Carlisle having his moments of battiness.

I had really only a few respites, reading being the first and foremost. Through books I could explore the places I saw outside my window and in my lessons, the places I desperately wished to visit, through books I could fence and thatch huts for commoners and climb trees and just generally live the life that had been deemed too unsafe for the likes of me. Even my precious written word had to be fought for (books cause paper cuts) and it was in fact Edward who won me this privilege from my, at this point, very highly strung mother. There would always be a part of me that would love him solely for that reason.

Edward was my second reprieve.

Upon discovering that I was not going to be in any position to rule the kingdom anytime soon, King Charlie looked to his nobles for a suitable heir apparent. Edward Masen The First had recently received celebration for his bravery in a small scuffle with a neighbouring nation. His son, Edward II, had already gained a reputation as a popular and charming young boy, good looking and well mannered. It was good fit, and it continued to be as Edward grew up not only kind and intelligent but devastatingly handsome. It was of course not considered polite to name a new heir when the new one still remained very much alive, however imminent her death may be, so Edward received the title of my patron, his role was to _represent my better interests should I not be able to fulfil them_.

Yes, it took me a while before I could laugh at that.

Inexplicably Edward decided that he would become my best friend as well. He was my comrade in a world that was fatally boring, the boy who sat beside me as I listened to my mothers cries, the Duke Orsino to my Viola on the occasions when I forced him to enact Shakespeare with me. I loved him with a deep impossible love.

I despised that love in me, how selfish and cliqued. How could I possibly look at the man I loved and hope that he loved me too, when I knew that my days were numbered? I hid my infatuation from him, but was unable to distance myself in any other way. He still remained with me in the darkest and loneliest of times, and although it affected both of our stations, my curse was rarely mentioned.

"Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't have been better if Victoria had just finished me off when she started." I had remarked gloomily on one of the few occasions we did. It had been a particularly boring day.

Edward, spread languidly along the couch my back rested against, gave a shocked little splutter. I glared up at him undeterred, I had been holding in this particular sentiment all day, knowing that I could not release it around Alice, I would not hold it in around Edward.

"Bella…" He said, his voice pained. "Don't say that please."

I moved to face him, sitting uncomfortably on my knees.

"I despise the life I have. I cannot even call it a life; it is an existence, its purgatory. I am dying by inches everyday, and I feel every moment pass. I would rather be dead."

Edward looked unsure.

"You're not dying. You will wake up. Eventually."

"To what?" A large hand moved up to caress my face. "My life is here, it is now. I do not want another one."

_Without you._

"Bella." Edward struggled for words. I saw regretfully that I had upset him, in fact he looked positively fierce. "One day you will be happy and all of this will just be a memory. Aren't you looking forward to true love?"

I snorted. I for one did not believe in Carlisle's prophecy. I could not comprehend loving another man as I loved Edward.

"Please don't say you wish you were dead." He whispered. "I couldn't stand it."

We did not discuss it after that, although I would always remember that conversation as significant, and I knew that for all my dramatics I did not really want death, not while Edward was at my side. My anger came from a more potent source, from the fear I felt as I prepared to leave the familiar world around me. Perhaps it would be a blessing to not wake up in a world of strangers and strangeness. More then anything I wanted Edward to follow me, to comfort me through the darkness I had yet to brave.

Only Alice, my handmaiden, knew of my devotion to Edward, despite the times I had denied it. Alice was a perceptive girl, who made occasional claims to having psychic abilities. This could well have been true, there were moment through out my childhood when Alice made incredible leaps of insight and there was no playing card games with her. So when I gave her the token answer to the question I had always been able to shrug off from prying adults ("My that Edward is growing up very handsome Isabella, are you sure you two are just _friends_?" "Of course Lady Mallory, I could never see Edward that way. He's very kind to me, we're like siblings." Cue breezy laughter and a quick get a way) Alice threw her head back and laughed.

"I see right through you Bella Swan." She teased.

Alice was the best person I knew, and in a way that was different from my own, she was living her own tragic love story. Alice was head over heels, can't-sleep-can't-eat-can't-live-with-out-you in love with my cousin Jasper Hale.

The Hales were Jasper and Rosalie Hale, and their persnickety, over bearing snobs for parents. At some point, before I was born, the Swan's and the Hale's had a falling out (or my father called Jasper's father a moronic toad who would never see his family inherit rulership) or Jasper would have held Edward's position as heir apparent. He did not seem particularly disappointed not to be in line for the throne, in fact the only thing I can remember Jasper ever wanting was Alice. The Hales had inherited very different genetics from my own rather plain brown hair, brown eyes appearance, both Jasper and his sister Rosalie were deeply, heart breakingly, ego woundingly attractive. Yet Jasper was a good person, and in another age he and Alice would be very happy together.

In this one they were forced to keep their love a secret, from the prying eyes of society matrons and mothers. It was only Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle and I who had the privilege of knowing their secret.

Rosalie Hale on the other hand, had the fortune of achieving her happily ever after early in my story, with the rich, well humoured and, like most of the men in my story have been fated to be, very, very handsome Emmett McCarthy. Emmett was the most genuinely kind noble in my father's court despite his reputation for making off colour jokes during formal suppers and the fact he stood a generous six feet and had arms like oak trunks. His wife Rosalie, my dear cousin, was everything that I had not fulfilled. Rose actually was the most beautiful woman in the realm, intelligent, resourceful and she walked with the unnatural grace of a woman who had braved etiquette class since the womb (I exaggerate only slightly, in Rosalie's mother's eyes propriety was second only to godliness). Rose was the perfect woman of her time and she possessed the pride to match it all.

Not that I didn't love Rose, and not that she didn't (I think) love me. It was simply that Rosalie had never over come her natural dislike of people and thus came across just as prickly as her namesake.

When Rosalie first came out, it was suggested that perhaps she should marry Edward (almost seventeen at the time). It did make sense, even to I, who cried bitterly into my pillow for a weeks worth of sleepless nights. Edward was charming, wealthy, handsome and most importantly to Lady Hale, in line for the throne (I was simply a inconvenient delay in her eyes), Rosalie was beautiful, graceful, proper and even in my father's eyes, a perfect candidate for queen.

It would have been perfect if Edward hadn't burst into laughter the first time it was announced to him. I think this was the only time Edward did not act like a perfect gentleman in front of a lady, and it was his misfortune that Rosalie had been present to witness it. Her vanity simply could not take the fact Edward seemed to deem the idea of marrying her a joke and from that moment on Rose and Edward could barely stay on civil terms.

If it was not Rosalie making sly commentary on the fact he seemed to show no interest in the court women (and perhaps the court men were to his fancy. I paled at the idea) then it was Edward innocently asking Master Hale where his daughter had disappeared off to with her husband and why she came back looking so dishevelled.

That was the end of that, Rosalie married Emmett and Edward's marital status was put on the back burner for only the matchmakers and gossips to ponder. My father, who I don't believe wanted to see Rosalie Hale as queen in the first place, simply shrugged off the set back and remarked that perhaps Edward was a little young for marriage anyway.

I practically skipped around the castle for the next week.

The day that my father announced that Rosalie would be marrying Emmett I asked Alice if she regretted the fact she had fallen in love with Jasper. Alice would never have Rosalie's satisfaction, her absolute happiness found in the knowledge of an eternity with her beloved. Alice had maybe a year left with Jasper before it would be insisted that he marry, and he would, it would be unavoidable, and Alice would remain with me. Alone.

"No." Alice replied after a moment of thought, tying her despised long, tangled locks into a bun with one hand.

"Because you could never regret being in love, even if it causes you pain?" I asked.

"God no." Alice scoffed. "Do you really think human emotions are so romantic and uncomplicated? We can hate as we love, regret and revel at the same time, want what it clearly unattainable and ignore what is obviously right in front of our noses. Do you regret loving Edward despite the fact it is illogical and impossible?"

I cocked my head and though about it.

"I don't particularly like it, but I don't regret it. Of course you have no idea how insufferably boring my life is, even unrequited love is interesting to me now."

Alice smiled at me and pinched my cheek.

"It's really a shame you won't marry for another hundred years, you're very pretty Bella." I raised an eyebrow in wry disbelief. "No really. I heard Mr Newton say to Miss Weber just yesterday that you become more and more ravishing with every passing day."

"Michael Newton is a prig." I said with humoured irritation. "You didn't answer my question."

Alice fiddled with a curl that had found its way loose.

"I just believe…" She said slowly and quietly like she was telling me a secret. "That what I feel for Jasper can't be all for nothing, I think that things will sort themselves out."

And then, as if she knew something that she wasn't telling, she tapped her nose slyly and rose to leave.

I opened my mouth to demand to know what she did, but I held it in. At times I know I made the right decision, but at others I wonder what it was she held back from me that day.

Because four months later, on the day of my sixteenth birthday party, once again everything changed.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: So not so many reviews for the last chapter… I'm not hurt, not hurt at all… :(

But I forgive you all, enjoy new chapter goodness.

--

For we, we are not long here

_Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it_

_And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you_

_Hope is coming for me_

_Hope, He's coming_

C.S Lewis Song – Brooke Fraser

--

By the time I turned sixteen, I did not just love Edward. I wanted him.

My adolescent hormones had introduced me to the less innocent sensations in life, giving me an new appreciation of his sculpted figure, long legs and full, wicked lips. My new breasts began to tingle when he brushed against me, and I felt a new forbidden but pleasant feeling between my thighs that frightened me in equal measure to my desire to pursue it further. Nights began to dwindle with thoughts of stolen kisses, twisted limbs and wandering hands, and as embarrassing as it is to admit, my own hands did quite a bit of wandering themselves.

There was no overt change in our relationship, and I would never have admitted these new feelings to Edward but in hindsight I wonder if perhaps there was a slight, subtle but tangible shift between us, one which fuelled my jealousy and irrational sense of betrayal only more fervently as I watched Edward guide Lady Tanya Denali around the dance floor, two weeks after I turned sixteen.

Officially the ball was in honour of my sixteenth birthday, one I was not in any hurry to celebrate (I had certainly not forgotten that this was the year Victoria believed I would spill my blood), unofficially it was an opportunity for my mother to parade a line of beautiful and eligible ladies under Edward's nose in hope he would choose one for his wife. Edward was eighteen years old now, a suitable age for marriage in any ones eyes, and despite his apparent disinterest in the flirtations of court, we were all preparing to lay our bets on who the lucky lady would be. The way Lady Denali was clutching to Edward's tall frame it seemed she was going to try her charms first.

I sat with Alice and Jasper, watching them with bitterness in my eyes.

"I wouldn't worry about it." Jasper told me dryly. "I believe Edward will find Tanya a little shallow for his tastes."  
I couldn't tell him that was hardly the point, whether it was Tanya today or another lady next month, someone would eventually catch Edward's eye. I wanted to be the one who hung onto Edward as he guided me around the dance floor, god, I would be happy just to have the option of courting Edward.

"He _should_ marry Tanya." I replied grumpily and Jasper rose an eyebrow. "Tanya is beautiful and good, she'd make a good wife and queen for him."

Jasper exchanged a look with Alice, whose eyebrows quirked in amusement.

"You'd be happy to see Edward marry Tanya?" Jasper teased.

"Sure." My lips pursed.

"I'll tell him you approve then."

I knew they were just winding me up, pressing my buttons so my charade would fall. I tried desperately not to give them what they wanted and yet almost simultaneously I felt the tirade that had been lurking in my throat, bubbling, brewing and waiting to spew forth.

"Good!" I snapped, angry tears spilling from my eyes. "I just hope I'm still here for the wedding."

I whirled around and stalked off, ignoring Alice and Jasper's sympathetic gazes on my back. Anger and sadness consumed me tonight, as the weight of my destiny hung heavy on my shoulders. Perhaps it was the idea I may have only days or moments before I was as good as dead, or perhaps it was the affairs and engagements of my friends, reminding me that even in this life, I lived little.

I gasped loudly as I collided with a man's bulk. A hand found its way to my wrist, steading me, and an arm wound itself around my waist.

"Princess Swan." Mr Michael Newton's insufferably cheery voice cut through my thoughts. "How nice it is to see you."

"As it is to see you." I murmured, eager to move on. I could hardly stand Mr Newton and his pretentious, overbearing nature. He held me too close for polite company and I felt uncomfortable.

"Perhaps you would honour me with a dance." His grip on me tightened and I fought the urge to rip my body away from him. I forced my lips into a smile and bobbed slightly in a curtsy.

"Of course."

I damned tradition as he led me into the whirling mass of people.

At least I could not fault Michael on his dancing skills, he moved quite gracefully and did not complain when I stood on his feet. We danced in silence and over his shoulder I saw Edward's bronze head moving in perfect time with the music. His eyes met mine over Tanya Denali's coifed blonde hair do, and I saw his eyebrows rise at the sight of my dance partner.

"Newton?" He mouthed at me in apparent amusement. I glared at him pointedly and turned to Mike, forcing myself to simper in a way, ladies are taught, endears us to men.

"I can not tell you how happy I am that you accepted my offer to dance Highness." Newton told me, his chest puffed. "Do you know how often I watch you?"

"I do not."

"I do." Michael ignored the ending of the current song and danced me right through to the next. "You seem rather melancholy of late." Is it because you have received no offers of marriage?"

I bit back a flinch of humiliation. Michael's blue eyes looked at me, unwavering, oblivious to the insult he had just imposed upon me.

"If I am it is certainly not from disenchantment." I replied flatly. "It is certainly no secret that I am… unable to marry."

Michael was quiet for a few minutes.

"Princess Swan." He said finally. "I was wondering if perhaps you would allow me to take your hand in marriage. I find myself very fond of you and I would like for you to be my wife."

Oh well, how could I possible resist such a passionate, romantic declaration of undying love. I extracted myself from his arms coolly, glancing around for Edward so I could motion for him to come save me, alas he was no where in sight. I looked at Michael spitefully, irritated at his presumptions and most infuriating of all, his pity.

"Remind me Mr Newton." I said coldly. "You do not have a fief of your own? I do not believe you are knighted, nor do you possess an earl or lordship."

For a moment Newton looked distinctly uncomfortable.

"My father was an advisor for his Majesties finances."

"So he was an accountant. Yet you believe you are a worthy suitor for the only daughter of the King of Forks." I said bluntly. I was not usually so preoccupied with rank, but it chaffed deeply that Newton would believe I had no other options, no better prospects. I may be a cursed vessel but I was still a princess damn it, and until I was lying dead on the ground I expected people, especially those like Michael Newton, to acknowledge it.

Michael's lips twisted nastily, and I realised that by attacking his pride I had unleashed something nasty in him.

"Now Isabella." He said condescendingly. "Be reasonable. Do you really believe you will have any other offers? You are an invalid, a charity case… Or do you believe the little fairy tale that turncoat Carlisle spun you?"

His words dripped with malice.

"_True loves kiss_. How very romantic."

I raised a hand to slap him, but drew it back at the last moment. I would not embarrass my mother and father in that way, he was not worth it.

"I despise you." I spat at him. "I would not marry you if you were the last man on the planet."

"As far as you are concerned my dear Isabella…" He spat back at me. "I am the last man on the planet."

I tore myself away from him, storming back to where Jasper, Alice and now Rosalie and Emmett stood. They looked at me with wide eyes.

"What?" I asked, my anger overflowing. "Should have I have accepted Mr Newton's proposal? After all who else would have me? Do you believe I am that desperate to be wanted! I will be pitied by no one, especially not my friends."

"Oh Bella…" Alice said softly, touching my arm. I ripped it from her.

I wanted to run as far as I could from their soft, loving, sympathetic gazes. I realised in horror that for the first time I had truly revealed how deeply unhappy I really was.

"Bella?" Carlisle's voice broke the uneasy silence from behind. His blue eyes betrayed that he had overheard our conversation but he seemed to be feigning obliviousness (yeah, like anyone would buy that from _Carlisle_). I took a deep breath and made myself smile at him.

"Yes?"

"Have you seen Edward anywhere. He borrowed one of my books and I find myself in need of it."

Edward and Carlisle had a deep and solid friendship based on their mutual intellectual curiosities. While Edward had never shown much interest in practical magic, he had an undying thirst for the theoretical side, and I had interrupted many conversations between them about the pros and cons of geographic magical assists, the practical possibilities of centaurs and more such.

"I saw him dancing with Tanya earlier, but he seems to have disappeared." I supplied regretfully. I needed Edward too; he was perhaps the only one who would understand.

Carlisle shifted sheepishly.

"Would you be so kind as to go look for him. I would go myself but I promised the queen…"

I nodded, happy for the escape. I gathered my dress with one hand and nodded to my friends.

"I'll see you later."

"Shall I attend to you my lady?" Alice was oddly formal. She had not called me My Lady since we were both about eleven years old. I realised sadly that I had genuinely upset her.

"That's not necessary Alice."

But I felt her eyes, and the eyes of the others, sad on my back as I walked away.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN**: Sorry this took so long, next chapter will be posted sooner.--But you and I now

_We can be alright_

_Just hold on to what we know is true_

_You and I now_

_Though it's cold inside_

_Feel the tide turning_

Feel The Tide - Mumford & Sons

--

I walked away. Out of the room, which had facilitated my hellish night, and moved through dark halls towards Edward's chambers. Edward and I had always ignored the inappropriate connotations that may be assumed should anyone ever discover just how comfortable I was entering and leaving Edward's rooms. I reached his rooms easily but hesitated as I heard the soft banter of voices inside.

I fought curiosity for a few seconds, knowing I should probably turn away and come back later, and yet even as that thought crossed my mind I moved closer to the door, pressing my ear against it.

"…You might recall my sister Carmen, she is married very happily to a Prince in the south. My younger sister Kate has already found a husband of course, perhaps you heard, Sir Garrett, a very brave man and very rich."

The voice was feminine and familiar, I scrambled to place it.

_Tanya Denali. _

My heart froze and my eyes burnt as the knowledge that Edward had taken Tanya to his room battered me. Only my wish to stay silent kept my sobs inside. I wanted to leave and yet despite the fact I had no inclination to hear lover's chit chat, I stayed pressed against the door as Edward's corresponding masculine voice replied.

"Would you perhaps be hinting at something Lady Tanya?" Edward's drawl sounded amused by Tanya's pandering.

"Only the fact that I would be an intelligent choice as queen. I have a very powerful family Edward, one which would keep you secure on a throne you have won through default." Tanya's voice was a seductive purr, but the ugliness of her ambition was transparent. "I think you would find me… very satisfactory as a wife and I know I would find my new bearings quite to my comfort."

"Are these your words or your mothers?" Edward said sharply. "I know the Dowager Denali has been hoping for another Denali woman on the throne."

"We both share the sentiment." Tanya replied smugly.

There was a pause and a ruffle of moving silks that I was smart enough to guess the significance of. Then a more violent movement.

"I am not so eager to be married." Edward said, disgust saturating his tone. "…And should I do so, I would consider my wife's purity a matter of importance."

"Like Princess Bella, my lord?" Tanya asked sweetly. I flinched at the mention of my name. "Yes, she would make a wonderful royal bride for you, if only she wasn't set to be _dead to the world _any moment now. Isn't it strange to think our honoured princess is already sixteen? How quickly time passes, and I know you have been there every step of the way to witness it."

"Jealousy is not becoming of you." Edward answered coldly. "And do not think that I haven't heard of your exploits in the stable yards."

"Think about it Lord Masen." Tanya sighed, apparently unoffended. "We would make a lovely and prevailing couple."

I sunk back into the shadows as she breezed through the door, her face even more beautiful in the candle light, illuminated by her expression of supreme satisfaction. I trembled, as Edward appeared too, unable to fully absorb what had been said. Had Edward bedded Tanya, and if so would he really refuse to marry her? Why had I been brought up?

"Humm." Edward said thoughtfully, his eyebrows low on his brow.

"You know…" I announced. "You're not the only one who received a marriage proposal tonight."

His comical spasm made me giggle and I stepped out of the shadows that had hidden me. Edward looked at me blankly for a moment.

"You know it's rude to eavesdrop."

"How would I learn anything if I didn't?"

We retreated into his bedroom and I curled myself nervously into the plush rocking chair that adorned the wall furthermost from his bed. Edward twiddled his fingers anxiously watching me as I studied the room, looking for signs of what had occurred here.

"I don't think you should marry Tanya." I said finally and Edward looked at me strangely. "I know my opinion doesn't matter, and Tanya's family is very impressive but I…"

Edward mirrored my frown, and I turned away from him to study my palms.

"I do not think she would make you happy."

"My happiness has never really been much of a consideration." He said quietly. He strode towards me, his movement agitated, and rested himself on the arm of the chair. I leaned into his chest, sighing as strong arms wound their way around my shoulders. "So what is this about a wedding proposal? Who is the lucky fellow?"

Did Edward's voice sound strained? Was I imagining the treble of anguish in his beautiful, familiar voice?

"Lucky has very little to do with it, and Michael Newton."

Edward choked on the air in his lungs; he stumbled off his precarious seat on the chair.

"What!" His eyes bulged. "You are marrying Michael Newton? Are you completely insane Isabella! What about your heritage? Your pride? What about the curse?"

I glared at him, too tired too loose my temper again.

"Calm down Edward." I said icily. "I'm not marrying Mr Newton. Just because somebody asked me doesn't mean I'm going to scramble at his feet in gratitude. I'm simply not that desperate."

"Oh." Edward calmed. "Good."

"I mean…" I continued as he settled nervously onto the corner of his bed. "If I ever marry, and that's a pretty big if, I would like to at least tolerate the man."

His lips pursed and he laid one hand over my small one. His touch had always sent electricity through me, but tonight, perhaps because of the intimacy of the setting or because we both felt we might loose each other too soon, it was like the skies had parted and lightening had hit, lighting my world for a moment before turning it black.

"Of course you'll marry." His cheery tone hit a faux note. "_True loves kiss _remember."

"Carlisle made that up so he could sound like an impressive mage from one of his books." Even to my own ears my voice was full of spite. "Magic can't control love, love is unpredictable and dangerous and exciting, love is a magic of its own. _True love_ won't come around just because Carlisle twiddled his thumbs and told it too."

Surprisingly Edward smiled at me. I searched for pity in his tender expression but couldn't find it.

"You little pessimist." He teased. "What makes you think that you know all there is to know about love and magic?"

"I know enough." I jutted my chin out stubbornly. "I don't care about being alone."

Edward's lips twisted.

"Nobody wants to be alone."

I studied him, his face illuminated by the candles that lit his room. He was undeniably and heart-breakingly beautiful, even his flaws, his slightly too large mouth and his unruly hair co-operated to complete perfection. Yet there were parts of him that seemed to have been made especially for me, the anxious tic of his moving hands, the quirk of his half smile, the stream of amber in the greenness of his eyes. Nobody else, however much they admired Edward, would notice these things. How could he not be made for me?

How _could_ this godly, beautiful man possibly be made for doomed, plain, boring me?

It was a contradiction, powerful and painful.

"Edward." I steadied my voice. "May I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Why didn't you marry Rosalie?"

I was not sure who was more surprised by my question because it certainly was not the one that I had been posing in my mind. Edward frowned at me, and I felt my face colour scarlet.

"Are you being funny?"

"No… Yes… Just curious."

"You've never asked before?" Edward's face was unreadable. "Why would I marry that bore of a socialite? It astounds me that a good man like Emmett can tolerate her."

I frowned.

"Hey." I said reproachfully. "That is my cousin, you know."

Edward attempted to look apologetic over his smirk. "Forgive me Highness."

We both sat in silence for a few long seconds as I studied the creases of my hands and sculpted the words of my next question.

"You wouldn't find a better wife then Rosalie. No one is more beautiful, or pure, or graceful, or reverent. Your subjects would fall at your feet with Rosalie as your queen. You _know_ that, don't pretend you don't, everybody does. In every logical way, you should have picked Rose."

Edward got to his feet, quick with agitation.

"You think love is so logical? That the world is so logical. My god Bella!"

I had to smile at the passion in his words and he groaned at me.

"What?"

I stood too and I linked my hand with his.

"Just…" Tears leaked from my traitorous eyes. "You'll make a really wonderful king Edward. I know you will."

Edward's face creased. He looked suddenly pained.

"Our entire destinies planned out for us, by people who had no idea of what we would want for our futures." His voice was a whisper. "Is royalty really what you believe I want?"

I started and our loose embrace broke.

"Isn't it?"

To be honest Edward was always going to be such a good king, I don't think anyone ever questioned whether he wanted it. People didn't care about those things back then.

"If you had any idea Bella…" He paused, choosing his words deliberately. "No. I have never wanted to rule. I want something- someone -else much more urgently."

I sat back down heavily at his words, their implications hitting me.

"Is there some one…" I could barely force the words past my teeth. "-else? That you love, I mean."

Pain tore at my torso, as if I was being attacked by an invisible foe. Yet would it be so bad to see Edward happy and settle before I… departed? I knew I was not reacting like the platonic friend my status was to dear Edward, but I could not stop the outward signs of the war inside me.

"Why?"

Edward laughed spitefully, pulling me up with two hands so I looked into his eyes, almost black in the candlelight.

"God Bella. Haven't you figured it out yet?"

I felt the tick tock of time go past, slow and deliberate as Edward's expression sunk in. He was looking at me with indignation, with irritation, with impatience, but most of all Edward was looking at me with love.

No not love, wrong word, Edward looked at me with need.

"It's you Bella, it has always been you."

I blinked and opened my mouth but no sound escaped it. Edward gazed at me fearfully, searching my face for a response. I wanted to give him one, tell him that if he so wanted it, my heart was his; I yearned to end his suffering. Already I saw pain in his eyes.

And yet I didn't. I couldn't.

He pulled away from me regretfully, his eyes downcast.

"I'm sorry Bella." How could he apologise for saying what I had for so long longed to hear. "This is presumptuous of me."

"Why now?" I asked quietly, and tears dripped down my face. "Why tell me now?"

"Because I'm loosing you." His voice was grave but steady. "Neither of us will say anything, because to acknowledge what is to come, is to acknowledge that it is reality. But Bella… it is as if with each passing day you become more of a women, and more ready to claim your destiny, your true love. More ready to leave me behind."

My chin lifted in reproach.

"I would never."

"You won't have a choice."

He sat down heavily onto his bed and buried his face into his hands. For a moment Edward's princely façade shattered completely and I watched the picture of his desolation, my heart breaking likewise. I felt numb with indecision, but even as he sobbed before me I became aware of an ember of fire within me, that flickered and grew. Edward loved me. I, the imperfect one, who could never live up to anyone's expectations including my own. I walked to him slowly, and sat on his lap so I could look directly into his beautiful, emerald eyes. His hands moved automatically to my waist to steady me, but his face twisted in confusion. I dropped my head and kissed the bridge of his long nose.

"I know, Edward, that I may not always have the choice." I said, my voice forced steady. "But when I do have it, my choice is you."


	5. Chapter 5

--

On the walls of the day

In the shade of the sun

We wrote down

Another vision of us

We are the challengers of

The unknown

"Be safe," you say

Whatever the mess you are, you're mine, okay?

If that is the custom

I'm down

Challengers – The New Pornographers

--

I had never been looked at in the way Edward looked at me then, his eyes widening and his face becoming almost comical with awe as if he looked upon something infinitely precious. I inched my mouth closer to his, but I allowed him to close the final gap. I gave myself that kiss guilt free, the burn of his lips pressed hungrily against mine, the urgency of his hands on my face, the brilliance of the future which I could believe lay in front of me. He clung to me, and I to him, like our combined love could keep us in this moment.

He pulled away softly, smiling affectionately in a dull, silly way that made me grin too.

"This is impossible." He whispered, like he was telling me a secret.

"_You_ think this is impossible. Imagine how it is coming from my eyes."

Edward rose an eyebrow.

"How is it coming from your eyes?"

"Edward." I told him patiently. "I'm not exactly what one would call eligible."

He looked at me like I was stupid.

"Bella…"

"It's ok." I rested my hand against his forearm. "I know. I had no delusions which Mr Newton rudely shattered."

"You do not see your self clearly." He sounded simultaneously amused and irritated. "You are so beautiful and so good, and you are the only one who can't see it."

I couldn't deny the love in his eyes.

"All this time." I asked. "You've been waiting for me? I always knew you were a fool."

Edward raised a hand to my face and rearranged a curl, which had strayed out of its binds.

"I don't feel stupid at the moment."

"Moments pass."

He kissed me again, softly and timidly.

"This one won't, not to me. To have you here, in my arms tonight, this will keep me awake long after you have fallen into an impossible sleep."

I realised then that I had completed the horrible thing I had promised myself I would never do. I had tied myself irrevocably to Edward, with no thought for the pain I would inflict when my larger destiny caught up with me. I would be the instigator of two broken hearts, Edwards and my own. I tasted salt in our kiss, not knowing if it was his tears or my own.

"Edward…" I whispered.

"Please…" His voice was thick. "Just one night. Please."

I don't know what he was asking for that night, not really, but inside me I felt resolve. I couldn't promise him forever or a happily ever after at the end of the story, I couldn't even offer him the possibility. I could offer everything I did have though, every part of myself that wasn't tied up in vendettas and concession.

I guided his hands lower, so that they rested loosely on my buttocks. The action was subtle but I knew it made clear my intention for our stolen time.

Edward looked at me seriously.

"Bella…"

"I want…" I swallowed. "I _need_ to give this to you."

I saw what warred underneath Edward's green eyes; he was too decent a gentleman to be totally ok with what I was asking him and yet I could feel the hard evidence of his desire press against my thigh.

"I can't." He said, barely audible despite the fact we practically inhabited the same space. "You belong to someone else Bella. All of this, its just pretend."

"Prince Charmings are pretend Edward. _This_ is reality."

I kissed him, his shirt cool against my heated skin and Edward kissed me back with barely contained urgency.

"I _want_ you." I breathed as I felt his long, capable fingers brush the drawstrings of my dress. "This is my choice."

Edward's vivid lips quirked suddenly, and I saw a spark of mischief burn in his eyes. With gentle but deliberate procedure Edward pulled the silk of my dress off my flesh. His gaze did not waver as my party dress was replaced by white skin, but I heard a quiet hitching of breathe. His large hands roamed my body with an uncanny confidence that was both unnerving and arousing.

"Um, Edward?" I asked cautiously. He looked up with a start from where he had begun to undo the long strings of my underdress. My expensive and delicate gown lay crumpled and forgotten on the grown. "Have you… done this before?"

It honestly had not occurred to me before that moment, Edward was a consummate gentleman, but he was still a man, and the court was full of beautiful women. _Oh god_.

Luckily Edward interjected before I could think myself into a hole.

"Of course not." He sounded mildly offended. "Is that what you believe of me? That I only wish to sate my curiosity about what is between the milky thighs of Fork's princess?"

I blushed.

"No Edward, I never believed that."

"I have only ever wanted one women. With my body and with my mind."

His mouth rested on my throat and I shuddered deeply with desire.

"Edward…"

My under clothes fell away, and I felt myself become naked under his hands. My flushed complexion darkened and I hazarded a glance at Edward. His usually vivid green eyes seemed to have glazed over and his mouth had fallen open to reveal the soft pink of his tongue as he stared at my body.

I giggled and he looked up at me ruefully.

"This isn't fair you know…" I said cheerfully.

Edward rose his eyebrows.

"Really… Because it's looking fair."

"Ha, Ha…" I pulled his up for another deep kiss. His fingers pressed into the flesh of my thighs, teasing another part of my body that begged to be explored. "You are wearing too many clothes."

I pulled his dress shirt over his head, and Edward began to work on pulling off his hose. I praised god that menswear was less fiddly then the female equivalent. I was done waiting. My fingers traced the curves of the muscles on Edward's chest, following the hard sculpture of muscle and bone until I felt the indents of his pelvis. I hesitated and Edward's breathe stopped. Slowly and tenderly Edward moved me so that I lay completely on the bed, the soft caress of his velvet blankets soft against my skin. He moved so he hovered above me, his erection full and proud as it pressed into my inner thigh. I pressed my palm against its head, experimenting with its long shaft and my fingers. Edward made a strange wheezing noise and jerked into my touch. It seemed odd how natural the transition seemed to be, between best friends and lovers. He was paralysing in his beauty and yet the friction of our skins seemed the most natural thing in the world. He was my other half, my soul mate.

His tongue dipped into my mouth and I felt his hands wander up my sides, until his own palm cupped my breast. A gasp escaped my throat as his callused hand brushed deliberately against the sensitive peaks of my breasts. My grip tightened on his throbbing arousal, and I began to stroke him with long deliberate strokes, enjoying the sounds of pleasure that came from Edward.

"Bella, love." He gasped, his chest heaving. "You need to stop that."

"Why?" I asked, disappointed, He looked at me haplessly. "Oh! Right."

I felt him position himself meaningfully, his penis placed against my weeping entrance. My body took me over and I ground against him. We both groaned loudly.

"Bella…" Edward asked soberly. "Are you sure about this?"

I pressed my thumb against his lip.

"Positive."

I couldn't give him forever but I could give him this. Our lovemaking would be proof of our love, that it existed, that it was powerful and that it was mine. This was my gift to Edward, the only one I could conceivably give.

I cried out as he thrust into me, breaking the barrier of my virginity. I tightened my legs around his hips as I felt his hesitation, urging him to continue despite the pain. Soon the impermanent ache between my legs turned to pleasure, and I began to respond, my neck arched as I rode waves of a kind of ecstasy I had never experienced before.

"I love you." I murmured, my hymn. "Iloveyou,Iloveyou,Iloveyou…"

Edward kissed away an escaped tear before burying his face in my neck, muffling a groan as his thrusts became deeper. His grip on me tightened.

I hung onto his neck, smiling as pressure built between my legs. One hand wandered up to his beautiful wild hair, and I guided his lips back to mine. With Edward inside me, as if we really were one essence, I could see the entire world in a way I had never seen it before, lit up for just one moment, blindingly, heartbreakingly beautiful.

Edward shifted my position, and laving the edge of my collarbone he sheathed himself in me, quickly and entirely. My body stiffened as ecstasy overcame me, and I spiralled, losing myself in that one static moment, in that warm, safe room.

I felt Edward wrap his arms around me as he too surrendered to the sensation of our sweat, and our tears, and my nails biting into his smooth, creamy shoulders.

"God Bella…" He managed before emptying himself inside me.

I smiled as he pulled away, not quite detangling himself as he moved beside me. I rested my head on his chest, still raising and falling unevenly with the adrenaline of his high. We lay in silent for along time, so long I thought maybe he'd fallen asleep.

"I don't know…" Edward said clearly, a shock in the comfortable silence of the room.  
"How to keep you."

I looked up to him, pressing a kiss against his jaw.

"I'm scared too Edward."

Edward buried his face in my hair.

"I promise you, I'll find a way, _I promise_…"

I said nothing, but held him closer. Allowing myself to be charmed by the moment, by our closeness and our nakedness. We lapsed back into silence again, and before long I felt Edward's breathing slow and I knew he was sleeping. Soon my breath began to lull, and I allowed drowsiness to take me too into slumber. Tomorrow could be dealt with when it came. For the first and last time, I fell asleep against the perfume of security and love; I got to fall asleep against Edward,

Lucky girl right?


End file.
